Go to Stanley's Immediately

Now look, this is very easy:

  1. Go to Stanley's Homemade Polish Sausage on McDowell Rd in Phoenix.
  2. Approach the woman behind the counter and say "I'd like some bacon, please." Be firm, but polite. Do not risk losing your Stanley's privileges.
  3. Take the bacon home, remove the skin, and cook it.
  4. Eat it.

It's awesome. Meaty like ham. Not at all salty, not sweet, and nicely smoky. Buy more than you need because you'll eat more than you should.